Well, it’s that time again, Bachelorette fans — the time we’re forced to tread water for a week so ABC can extend its hit dating franchise for just one more episode. I’m talking, of course, about The Men Tell All special. To be honest, this is my least favorite part of any Bachelor or Bachelorette journey, but I’m going to focus on the positive. For one thing, MTA is Harrison’s time to shine. And for another, this recurring two-hour special seriously must keep some lucky local L.A. flower shop in business: Once again, the studio looks like it was hit with a dirty bomb packed with roses and votive candles. Finally, it means we’re just one week away from the big finale! In the meantime, let’s relive the highlights from tonight’s filler-tastic extravaganza.
The evening kicks off with a lengthy rehash conversation between Harrison and Jillian — which is completely devoid of revelations, with the exception of the following: Jillian likes her ”big nose” but doesn’t like that her second toe is longer than her big toe, and… Okay, yeah that’s it. Distressingly, she generally looks tense and unhappy when Ed’s name comes up, and she only talks about her feelings about him in the past tense. With Kiptyn, though, she’s bubbly and effusive: ”I know that I’m crazy about him and that’s what love is,” she says with a big smile. Oh boy, once again it seems Kipper’s in the lead.
Most of the deleted scenes were clearly left on the cutting room floor for a reason, but the bonus footage of Ed’s ”not-sober moment” during the Vancouver cocktail party was priceless. Their intimate couch chat goes nowhere as Jillian tries to get Ed to open up, but his booze-addled brain cannot process her request: ”That’s a lot of words that you just threw at me, by the way,” he slurs, slapping her leg a bit too hard. The wobbly bachelor goes on to put the miniskirt-wearing Jillian in a bear hug so tight he threatens to expose her underwear as well as puncture one of her lungs with her own rib. (Side note: Couldn’t wardrobe have given Jillian a backless bra so the big white back strap and clasp wouldn’t show when she leaned forward during her taped interview with Harrison?) As always though, our Bachelorette looks for the positive in the uncomfortable Ed situation: ”What I did see in him is that Ed is the happiest funniest drunk that I have ever met in my life.” The deleted scenes montage wraps up with Jillian’s visit to Kiptyn’s charity — and as much as I dislike Kipper, it does seem like Stand Up for Kids, is a very worthwhile organization.
Oh look, Dumb and Dumber are back! Jason and Molly want us all to know how very, very hard it’s been for them since Jason ripped Melisssa’s heart out of her chest and ground it under his heel on national television. Molly, as nasal and perky as ever, whines, ”What we have gone through — I mean, just absolutely ripped to shreds in the media and in the tabloids and on the Internet. It was definitely tough on me.” Dimwit chimes in, ”It was a bigger backlash than I thought, but I don’t regret being with Molly.” Now they’ve been together for six months, he adds, ”and things couldn’t be any better.” While Molly could not have been less comfortable the first time she met Ty, Jason says that today they’re ”buddies.” The Bachelor and his chosen one still don’t live in the same city, but they apparently have reunions in front of his house every other weekend, under the watchful eye of random neighbors across the street. There are a lot of ”famous last words” in this interview: ”Based on everything that we have gone through,” says Molly, ”I don’t think anything could break us.” Adds the Bachelor, ”For sure we’re going to get married.” Sir, I will take that bet!
NEXT PAGE: Some tell all, others… don’t show up