Veronica Gambini/ABC
Samantha Highfill
July 12, 2016 AT 01:15 PM EDT

The Bachelorette

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Chris Harrison
Current Status
In Season

I’m going to be honest with you guys. Not having the show on last week really threw me for a loop, and I completely forgot Alex existed. So imagine my surprise when that angry little man was not only still around, but still pretty angry. As for what else went down this week, I seriously hope none of you have a fear of horses or the word “front-runner,” because there was a lot of both.

We start things by leaving Buenos Aires behind — they finally kicked out JoJo for refusing to learn how to pronounce it — and heading to the (much more pronounceable) Argentinian countryside. But first, Chris Harrison stops by to hit his weekly appearance quota to inform the guys JoJo is strong, independent, and smart, because otherwise, HOW WOULD THEY KNOW?!

After informing the guys there will be three one-on-one dates this week and one group date — with a rose only on the group date — Harrison leaves behind the first date card, which goes to the angry man in front: Alex. Considering they all have to travel to the countryside, Alex’s date is going to be a road trip with JoJo while the rest of the guys will be taking a bus. Except, by road trip they mean Alex and JoJo will hang out in the backseat of a Jeep while someone else drives. And by bus, they mean a private bus where the guys can spread out. So it’s really not at all what you’d expect.

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As Alex sees it, this one-on-one time isn’t about him falling for JoJo. It’s really about JoJo getting her chance to fall for him, because, how could she not?! I mean, the man is as selfless and kind as he is tall.

While the guys perform a rather impressive (and hilarious) rap about Alex, Alex spends the alone time (for which he’s been waiting all season) having thumb wars with JoJo. I wish that were a euphemism, but I mean it literally. And if you don’t believe me, just watch JoJo’s face as she starts to fall asleep.

Desperately trying to keep JoJo awake, the producers start feeding them both chips and Alex does his best to keep the conversation interesting. “Is that wheat?” he asks while looking out the window. I know what you’re thinking: It’s like Aaron Sorkin himself wrote this conversation.

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When conversation fails, Alex decides to impress JoJo with his freestyling skills. Here goes nothing, “Yo yo, JoJo, gots to go to the liquor sto,” he says, before revealing, “That’s like my go-to line.” After that, JoJo decides silence is better than whatever’s happening.

Finally arriving at an Argentinian ranch, Alex continues sharing his scintillating observations as he tells JoJo he likes “droopy trees.” With that, JoJo — who wore heels to a date WITH ALEX on a RANCH— shuts him up by forcing him to dress like a gaucho and then flirting with one of their guides.

NEXT: The world’s greatest horse whisperer

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