Last week, a new, hunky man joined the group’s cul-de-sac—and, what a coincidence, his name also happened to be Phil Miller. Because of that, I’ll be calling the original Phil Miller “Tandy” from now on. Also because of that, Tandy is once again acting like a complete doofus (so much so that I’m actually using the word “doofus” to describe him).
New Phil’s a hit with the women: He’s cute, he’s relatively normal, and he’s handy. For example, you know how the cow’s been on the second floor of Carol’s house for a few episodes because they thought you couldn’t get a cow to go down stairs? Well, turns out all they needed was Phil to slap her on the butt and shout some calls at her to get her back to the first floor.
Melissa’s appreciative, but not on the level the others are. Carol knits him a scarf, Gale makes him hush puppies. Despite this though, Todd can’t get over his insecurities. After seeing Melissa riding on the back of a garbage truck Phil picked up, Todd confronts Melissa and orders her not to hang out with Phil anymore. “I forbid it,” he says.
Melissa responds with a certain look of pity, and tries to say something—but Todd interrupts and dumps her, saying he wants to be the one to do it. Melissa says she wasn’t planning on dumping him, but the damage is done. She closes her door, and Todd is off to pout.
Meanwhile, the other three ladies are hanging out with Phil and trying to impress him. But it’s not any of their efforts that do the trick: it’s Carol’s nail polish. He notices she has little black kittens painted on her nails, and he admits he’s into cats. Who knew intricate nail art was the perfect bait for hot guys?
Their flirt-fest continues later on when they have a group meeting. She makes some typically groan-worthy puns that he calls “cute,” and now Tandy’s the one battling insecurity. He gets into a little verbal scuffle with Phil, who wants to know what Tandy has against him. Instead of adding anything to the conversation, Tandy just throws in a reference to his status as President—and Melissa shuts it down. “I think we’ve had enough of this president crap,” she says. Melissa, the voice of us all.
They go on to vote Phil as president, and instead of giving an inauguration speech, he asks why they live in Tucson. Tandy defends the city, his hometown, but Phil presses: Tucson is not the ideal place for farming, which they need to do if they ever want fresh food again. And then Lying Tandy makes a comeback.
Tandy claims he has a farm, which might have worked as a joke if he didn’t spend the entire series so far lying to everyone. I get it, we’re not supposed to like him. I get it, he’s kind of a pathological liar. But watching him fall into this behavior again and again is getting so boring—especially because at this point, it seems like he’s never going to learn. Lying all the time is not enough to build a show on.
He goes on to spend the whole night planting jalapeño seeds in a field so he can have something to show when he brings Phil by in the morning. But when he goes home to retrieve Phil, Todd delivers some bad news (well, bad for them—good for everyone else involved): Phil had sex with all the women. All of them.
Tandy seems to be rubbing off on Todd though, because that was a lie. No one had sex; they just all went over to Phil’s house to take individual showers because he figured out how to get hot water in the bathroom. Tandy’s relieved once he finds out Todd was wrong, and he takes Phil to the “farm.” Phil’s impressed, and they do a little bonding. But that bonding goes to shit later that night when Tandy—and everyone else—overhears Phil having sex with Carol. And, if you recall, sex with Carol is an elaborate affair: She likes to roleplay as a (loud, very loud) camper, and Phil apparently has no issue with it because he joins in.
Tandy eventually goes outside to get away from the noise and sits next to Todd on the couch. “We gotta kill this guy,” he says. “I’m in,” Todd replies. Oh boy.
This would be funnier if it hadn’t already happened. Todd was a version of Phil Miller just episodes ago, and once again, Tandy is trying to bring down a male threat. He’s like a toy Yorkie who’s growling at a grown pit bull trying to assert his dominance—and it’s not going to work.
The show is getting repetitive and bland, but it still does have some moments of genuine comedic gold—for example, I’m glad Original Phil’s new name wasn’t just a one-episode gag. Tandy forever.