The Vampire Diaries recap: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me |

TV Recaps | The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries recap:
'Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me'

An anniversary, an engagement, and a death — just another day in Mystic Falls.

(Annette Brown/The CW)

The Vampire Diaries

Season 7, Ep. 8 | Aired Dec 03

If you’re like me and you ate so much turkey last week that it gave you mild amnesia, you might have needed a quick refresher on what’s happening on TVD. Thanks goodness for the “previously on.” It’s all coming back now: Julian is the devil, Lily finally accepts that he’s the devil, but her life is linked to his, so she has to help her biological sons get Julian’s blood so her adopted children can remove the binding spell. Oh, and Caroline is carrying Gemini twins in her vampire womb. All set now?

Lily is awake in bed with Julian beside her. It seems like the thought of him lying inches away from her makes her skin crawl. But he’s blissfully unaware of this — or the plot to destroy him. He’s too busy planning a party for Mary Louise and Nora’s 134th anniversary.

On the other side of Mystic Falls, Damon and Stefan are planning their own party, one of the “Kill Julian” variety. They have to employ the “nuclear option” in order for this to work: Valerie is going to have to tell her siblings the truth.

Although Lily isn’t so sure about having a big affair for Nora and Mary Lou, she is nothing if not considerate. She heads to the nearest abandoned bookshop to find an anniversary gift for the guests of honor. Nora used to recite a poem in the prison world over and over, and it just so happens there’s a man lurking in the bookstore who knows exactly where to find the book containing that poem. Enzo recites the lines for memory to Lily and then makes out with her. What would future Bonnie say!?

Julian surprises Mary Lou and Nora with their party: It’s full of humans he’s been “collecting” for just this occasion. They are “friends, food, whatever you want them to be.” (Since Matt told Caroline earlier that the school zombies were missing and suddenly here are tons of compelled people, I think we can assume Julian was behind that?)

Lily arrives and is not a happy camper. The agreement is they would feed on trespassers only, but Lily really wants to be a cool mom, so she decides to let loose. She’s so cool about the whole thing that she starts to feed on a party guest…right as Damon walks in.

She runs outside to tell him she was just trying to play the part, but Damon isn’t having it. “Sounds like a page out of Rippers Anonymous.” (Please let this be a real thing in TVD world!) They go on to have a very awful mother-son chat. He says he doesn’t need to wait until she’s unlinked to kill Julian because he doesn’t care if she dies. She slaps him and wants to know how he can be so cavalier about his own mother’s life. It’s simple: She’s already dead to him.

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Meanwhile, Mary Louise is showing Julian a ring, which she’s planning to use to propose to Nora. He one-ups her and gives her the world’s biggest engagement ring, which he snagged off a dead princess or something, to propose with. But seriously, look at this:

Mary Louise has Nora meet her out by the water. She proposes in the most adorable way, Nora says yes, and then Valerie comes and ruins their happy moment. Because, see, she has to tell them about the worst moment of her life. Way to bring down the mood, Valerie. She gathers the two of them and Beau to tell them the truth about Julian and her baby. None of them want to hear it, but it helps that Lily is there backing her up. Beau walks up to Valerie and hugs her, Nora follows, and Mary Lou begrudgingly does as well.

NEXT: Party fouls