Takeaway points from tonight’s Voice results show:
- For the life of him, Carson Daly cannot pronounce “Gangnam Style.”
- He’s also not a particularly good Lotus salesman. (“Our own coach Christina Aguilera has a new record out. And it’s good!” Convincing, Daly.)
- But hey, at least Christina looks super cute when she’s rocking a blond Velma Kelly bob.
- In the wise words of one Cee Lo Green: “It’s ridiculous, the fact of how much music there is to choose from.” He’s like Jeremy Renner shopping for cereal in The Hurt Locker.
- One day, our friends at Starbucks will storm the Sprint Skybox (where Christina Milian likes to “get [her] bam bam on”), wielding hashtags as weapons. There will be no survivors.
- Live show or no live show, Cee Lo is gonna swear if Cee Lo feels like swearing, @$#%-it!
- And finally, if you’re performing a lot during the results show, you’d better watch out – because that might mean you’re going home.
This is exactly what happened to poor Sylvia Yacoub tonight. The powerhouse singer lent vocals to both a Christina-led performance of “Let There Be Love” – a track from the smash hit album Lotus, have you heard of it?! – and a hashtag-requested group performance of “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Moments later, she found herself on the chopping block; since the show ran long, Sylvia didn’t even get a chance to say her goodbyes. While Team Blake’s Cassadee Pope also took the stage twice, she avoided elimination thanks in no small part to her top-selling cover of “Over You” – a single that managed to knock “Gog-nom Style” out of the number one spot on iTunes. Hey, sexy lady!
Instead, the night’s other sacrificial lamb was the perpetually behatted Bryan Keith, whose participation in Team Adam’s messy “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” didn’t prove to be a strong rebuttal to his elimination. But don’t weep for Bryan – if he buys a pair of shades at the Sunglass Hut and grows out the goatee, he could launch a lucrative career as an A.J. McLean impersonator.
While Bryan’s booting wasn’t easy to watch, I’m more surprised that Sylvia didn’t make it into the top 8. Just watch her belt “Let There Be Love” alongside Christina and Dez Duron: Even when seizure-inducing rainbow screensavers and dancers wielding flare guns threaten to pull focus, Sylvia manages to command attention. She’s certainly more of a standout in the group numbers than her teammate Dez, whose weaker vocals aren’t nearly as sharp as his chiseled cheekbones. Dez tends to fade into the background whenever he’s not singing solo. And don’t even get me started on Melanie Martinez, who must be chanting incantations from Hot Topic’s official Book of Spells in order to get her singles to chart so well on iTunes.
NEXT: Who’s gained frontrunner status? You might be surprised (though you probably won’t be)