Do you hear that sound? It’s the sound of four well-oiled chairs creaking back to life after slumbering for many moons—67 moons, to be exact—since they last saw the cool white lights of the network TV stage. The chairs have slept through Christmas and New Year’s, through polar vortices and everyone freaking out about Frozen, throughout the Olympics and The Bob Costas Pink-Eye Variety Hour, until finally, on this most special of days, February 24, the four chairs of the apocalypse are ready to turn again! This is THE VOICE!
Like this month’s rent bill, The Voice has suddenly re-appeared yet again in that rapid didn’t-we-just-do-this? fashion, striking like a bolt of lightning that crackles with four-part harmony and high production value allocating a significant budget chunk for sheer fabrics.
All that attention span you thought you’d just regained now that the Olympics are over? Get ready to refocus it. In its sixth cycle, producers have installed VOICE V. 2.0 software again, meaning that Cee-Lo Green has been upgraded to the slick new Usher model (though still using the 2001 protoype) and Christina Aguilera has swapped her little tiny David hats and Goliath cleavage for the slightly classier she-wolf Shakira.
Some of you might remember the last time I recapped The Voice way back in the stone age Season Two, a season filled with amazing talent (Juliet vs. Jermaine!), devastating eliminations (Jamar Rogers!) and a deep-fried gremlin named RaeLynn who ruined absolutely everything. Now, just like the show, I’m back and ready to get down and dirty (but not Dirrty) with this year’s selection of contestants.
We begin with a medley from the four coaches—first, Blake’s out there singing Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever,” which is nice, and then when Shakira starts singing about trucks and pajoveralls I realize she is in turn singing one of Blake’s songs (I have this theory that you either know every Blake Shelton song or you know zero of them, and I know zero). Usher joins in with Maroon 5’s “Love Somebody,” and Adam reciprocates with “Without You.” How sweet. That’s enough. After some lovely introductions by the four coaches and the always friendly Carson Daly, we’re off with the best part of The Voice: the blind auditions!
NEXT: Wrecking balls aplenty!