Marc Snetiker
April 14, 2015 AT 06:30 PM EDT

Welcome back, my little Voice-lets. You’ve returned to discuss the second night of the sixth season premiere, in which blindess is running rampant among the judges and no one can see anything coming.

If you’ve returned, you’ve no doubt made your peace with the fact that I will be recapping this show. I feel it’s necessary to point out that I actually love The Voice, so just know that every ostensible dig at Shakira or jibe at Blake is really one borne from tender love, years of respect and my inability to cry at anything that’s not a season finale episode of Grey’s.

Tonight’s story begins after last night’s ends, with Usher welcoming three artists to his team, Shakira and Adam landing two, and Blake finagling just one. Could Blake be saving his ammunition for what he knows will be some powerhouse talent towards the end of auditions? Or, is it just being edited this way? The actual answer is the latter, but let’s just try and believe that Blake is holding out for a hero (’til the morning light).

There’s no coach performance tonight (which I’m not too beat up about) so we launch right into the second round of blind auditions. Away we go!

Delvin Choice, 24, Greenville, SC

I Remember Him From: Starbucks

Things He Was Told to Work On Last Year: “Be less dance-y and emotional”

Song: “A Song for You” – Donny Hathaway

I remember Delvin—it’s not often that you get an extended look at someone whose claim to fame is working at a Starbucks. I don’t remember his singing, but apparently it didn’t matter since nobody turned last season, yet everyone turned this year. It’s a one-two-three punch for Adam, Shakira, and Blake after Delvin nails his first run (also, Adam and Shakira are both standing again, which is kind of a weird trend this season because I can’t imagine that a conflicted contestant would ever make his or her decision based on whether a coach was sedentary). Shakira Mebarak vows on her home country of Colombia that she’ll take Delvin to the top; Adam Noah Levine vows on his Los Angeles roots and makes fun of Shakira’s accent for the first of probably six times this season. Delvin chooses Coach Adam.

Madilyn Paige, 16, Provo, UT

Backstory: Aspiring filmmaker, sings with her sisters, first started singing because of movie theme songs playing on the radio

Was Not Alive During: “My Heart Will Go On (Theme from Titanic)”

Looks Like: Dakota Fanning and Elizabeth Olsen

Song: “Titanium” – David Guetta

If I had to put money on someone getting a Teen People cover from this, it’s this little gem, wearing a Hollister cami that I swear I folded when I worked there nine years ago. Usher and Shakira are the only two to turn around—Usher likes that Madilyn wasn’t aggressive in her performance (despite Titanium being such the aggressive metal). Shakira’s pitch involves her recounting the tale of starting her career at age 13, but Usher counters with THE JUSTIN BIEBER CARD, which by no means should have worked but obviously did because Madilyn is 16 and likely thinks she’ll get to meet Bieber at some point if she picks Usher because wouldn’t that just make for the most liked Instagram EVER?? Adam runs over to Blake and they start giggling and discussing their favorite Lisa Frank Trapper-Keeper designs. Madilyn chooses Coach Usher, and Shakira is just furious.

NEXT: “He looked like the Monopoly guy.”

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