In general, I prefer my True Blood episodes to have an “S” in the rating. But if that’s not possible, then I at least expect a big twist. And we got one in “Hopeless.” I figured Russell wouldn’t suffer the true death, but I didn’t see Roman getting it so soon. If he’s really dead, I hope next week starts with him exploding into a bloody mess because a man as grand as he can’t go out with such little splatter. Either way, RIP, Nike golf polo. And welcome back, Russell Edgington, who has more fun in the promo for next week than we’ve seen all season. It’s finally go time!
We picked up with Alcide being dragged away from Russell’s lair by a wolf. Sookie ran after him but stopped when more wolves appeared and threatened Bill. Bill and Eric went into fight mode, and Russell took the opportunity to try to drink from Sookie, but she zapped him away. Eric wanted to stake Russell then and there, but Bill stopped him: If Russell died, they died. Eric may be willing to make that trade, but Bill wasn’t. Eric retracted his fangs, and in came the Authority squad led by Chancellor Kibwe.
Russell was led away in handcuffs while comparing Lilith to a Leprechaun. Alcide returned, shirtless with some bloody wounds (thank you), and said werewolf JD put up a fight but fled when the other two wolves fell. (I didn’t remember who JD was, but as we’d be informed later, he’s the new packmaster in Shreveport.) Bill and Eric told Kibwe they’d found Sookie and Alcide “humping each other like livestock” (Eric’s words, natch) in the back of a van outside Shreveport. They took the van because they had another human with them who remembered coming to this location before – Doug. Bill and Eric pretended to glamour Sookie and Alcide. Actually, Eric did it for real after touching Alcide’s face to heal a wound with his blood. (If only that was enough blood to result in Alcide having sex dreams about Eric!) He told Alcide he wouldn’t remember anything of the night, he would always protect Sookie with his life, and he would keep his hands off of her romantically because he finds her disgusting. BASTARD! Do not deny us the possibility of them finishing what they started, Eric.
Bill knew he wasn’t really glamouring, Sookie, but he was selling it – and saying goodbye. He said she wouldn’t remember meeting him or Eric, and she would live her life the way she was meant to – in the sun, with others like her, humans. Kibwe promised to glamour Doug and all of the human captives – who said they could identity the woman who told them they were going to die for the glory of god – after they were interrogated. Doug was such a fun character and genuinely just wanted to forget any of this ever happened. But others wanted some financial compensation and thought they’d seen Russell Edgington. They were all slaughtered by Kibwe on a bus. RIP, Doug. I hope Alcide avenges you. The big question: Did Kibwe kill them because he’s actually in on this with the female Authority member who freed Russell and didn’t want to risk her being identified, or because Roman told him humans with any knowledge of Russell’s existence had to die because it was more absolute than glamouring?
While Eric and Bill headed back to the Authority (Bill was still “covering his ass,” Eric not so much: “Lilith can f—ing blow me”), a clueless Alcide and a sobbing Sookie hit the road to Bon Temps. Alcide woke up the next morning under a pretty pink comforter in Sookie’s bed, which somehow never looked that small when Eric was in it. His feet hung over the foot of the bed. He sat up comically confused, then went downstairs. He was getting flashbacks to his makeout session with Sookie and asked if they’d done it. She told him other stuff had happened. When she went to grab his hand to show him, he recoiled. She figured Eric had done that, too. So that’s good. Since she gave Alcide the memories back, does that mean he no longer finds her disgusting?
NEXT: Alcide wants a pack, and not just at Comic-Con