John P. Johnson/HBO
Mandi Bierly
June 24, 2013 AT 02:25 AM EDT

Oh, True Blood. You need to pick up the pace. Do not let Bilith became the Ifrit of season 6. Watching him suck the blood out of a woman without even touching her was good TV, but No Place is no place I want to visit again.

We opened with the man we can now assume is Warlow (and not a sharp-toothed pirate) making his way through to this dimension. That’s why the contract on Sookie’s bedstand had lit up apparently. The gray-haired man Jason had thought was Warlow used his light to stop the car he’d abandoned Jason in from crashing. Jason told the man to prepare to meet his maker. But wait: “I’m not Warlow, I’m your f—ing fairy grandfather,” he said. He proved he’s been watching Jason all along by referencing the time young Jason broke his middle finger and couldn’t flip off Hoyt, Jason’s football glory days, and his porn collection. Grandpa had been testing him, and Jason, who’d given his entire family history to a complete stranger, had failed. Still, Jason wants in on the fight against Warlow.

Speaking of grandfathers, at Fangtasia, Eric had returned with Nora just in time to get the silver bullet that emits UV light out of Tara before it could, in Pam’s words, bake her like a rotisserie. (Notice how Pam had called Tara “baby?”) So now they know just how prepared the humans are to fight back. Pam was scared and pissed, and Nora was worried about how they’re going to kill Bilith. Eric couldn’t handle the lady-bickering. “If the humans want war, we’ll give them war,” he said. He told Nora to scour the vampire Bible and try again to figure out what kind of monster Bill is — and then he left.

Jessica heard Bill screaming and went to him. He told her he could feel all the vampires’ pain: One was being whipped, one was being burned alive, and one was being dragged behind a truck. He said he couldn’t help them, and then he went catatonic as Jessica wept and tried to get him to wake up. The three bloody models we’d seen run into Bill’s body in the final moment of the season premiere had escorted “him” to No Place to see Lilith, who’s now clean and clothed — though the gauzy gown is see-through so we can see her hooha, for some reason. (So we’d recognize her?) She told him he doesn’t get to be just Bill Compton anymore. Something has begun. Events have been set in motion.

Arlene phoned Sookie and told her to get her ass to work at Merlotte’s, where dead Patrick’s pregnant wife showed up to ask Terry if Patrick had run out on her. Before Terry could tell her the truth, Arlene stepped in and said yes, he’d left her. At least the woman has some sort of closure, I suppose. Do we think that’s the last we’ll hear of Patrick? Let’s hope. Don’t we all want to forget that Ifrit story line happened?

On her walk to work, Sookie heard a man crying out in pain in the woods. She wasn’t going to stop, but then she did. Turns out, he’s half fairy, too, and he’d been attacked by a vampire who’d smelled his blood. Sookie took him back to her couch, where all love affairs begin. He said she reminded him of his high school sweetheart, only Sookie was nicer, and then he fell asleep.

At Merlotte’s, Arlene sat a group of out-of-town hipsters while Sam phoned to check in on Emma, who was having an AMAZING dress-up tea party with babysitter Lafayette at Sam’s house. One of the hipsters asked to talk to Sam and told him she knows he and Luna are shifters and the police are looking for Luna and her daughter. She’s Nicole Wright, co-founder of the Vampire Unity Society, and she wants Sam to come out publicly and tell his story to inspire other supernatural creatures to do the same. Sam thought she didn’t know anything about his life in Louisiana, but she earned some cred revealing that her white grandmother and black grandfather came down to the deep South to end segregation and started the Civil Rights Movement. Sam softened but still wasn’t game. Before she left, she reminded him that people are dying — he can’t sit this one out.

NEXT: Bilith gets hungry

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