If you’re a fan of Nashville, you know that its season 1 finale had just about every kind of cliffhanger imaginable. Well, this hour of Dallas topped its creativity with a poked diaphragm, a drug overdose during an adulterous threesome, potential alcohol poisoning, and a fire that could have been caused by at least two people that now threatens three lives. Let’s dig in.
This hour was all about getting people into position for what looks like a barn-burner of a next episode. Is Southfork really going to go up in flames? While we wait to see…
We opened with Bobby and Ann trying to convince a doctor to release Sue Ellen from the sanitarium John Ross stuck her in. Yes, they know what damage being in one did to her years ago when J.R. put her away for her drinking. But they also want her out for the sake of Ewing Global. It was up to the judge, they were told. P.S. If Sue Ellen told you she only had ONE drink, Bobby and Ann, she lied.
Just when you think Dallas is getting bogged down with all the business talk, it finally gets to the ‘S’ in the episode rating. That stands for sex, of course, but as usual, there’s more than one way to get screwed on this show. It’s a credit to Josh Henderson (and his tears) that the hour will be remembered most for his confrontation with a drunk Sue Ellen (Linda Gray). He made John Ross’ turn from a bastard to a hurt boy to a bastard again believable. Here we go.
There was an awful lot of talking in this episode and not nearly enough sex. Let’s work on that ratio, Dallas.
We opened with John Ross and Pamela returning from their honeymoon. Yes, they had sex in the limo on their way to Southfork (poor driver). But not before John Ross talked about the drilling site and assured Pamela that he was close to signing the deal with Emma to lease the Ryland Transportation ice breaker ships. It seems now that the wedding Pamela was so busy letting Sue Ellen and Ann plan planning has passed, she’s ready to get back to work.
A furry fetishist and a Monica Lewinsky plot in one episode: It can only be Dallas. (Or Bones. Or Scandal. But this time it was Dallas.)
Between the Lesser Prairie Chicken defense, Emma’s over-the-top pool lounging, and the facial expression Judith Ryland makes when a drink has bite, this was another delightfully sudsy episode. Lather up.
I get a little sad when I don’t see the ‘S’ for sex in the rating for an episode of Dallas, but when you have Judith Light running a man’s hands over her body to check for a wire and play-snorting cocaine (twice!), who needs it?! Let’s dig in.
Isn’t it hilarious that Pamela Barnes is now the character we like the most? It’s just a matter of time until she makes John Ross pay. Here we go…
We opened with Bobby at the family graves, reminding us that he’s the only Ewing left and Southfork’s caretaker now. “Well, I’ll try not to disappoint you,” he said, before riding away. You got the feeling it was the show’s cast and crew saying that to the late great Larry Hagman, whose name is still on their call sheets.
Patrick Duffy told us to call him if the scene at J.R.’s grave, in which the truth about J.R.’s death was revealed, didn’t make us cry. No need: I’m guessing we all got misty. As much as Bobby’s breakdown got to me, it was John Ross’ broken line delivery that hit me hardest: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. Who shot my father, Uncle Bobby?” he asked. “I shot your father, John Ross,” Bum confirmed. J.R., it turns out, was dying of cancer, and his masterpiece was framing Cliff Barnes for his death.
Dallas, you are a crazy, delicious little show that managed to pack a manhunt, the arrest of a drug-addicted Buckle Bunny, a wedding that’s the equivalent of uniting a Stark with a Lannister, a fight during which someone is wearing a bath towel, and a slow-motion shot of Patrick Duffy walking into two hours (or 90 minutes, if you don’t count commercials). Well done!
- 'Survivor' host Jeff Probst reveals how his son helped shape a challenge
- Paul Walker's father sues Porsche for wrongful death, negligence
- 'Survivor: Cambodia—Second Chance' dishes out two more brutal blindsides
- See Drake introduce the Raptors on Drake Night
- Elmo Williams, Oscar-winning editor of 'High Noon,' dies at 102
- See Sylvester Stallone become Rocky in this ultimate training montage
- See Po uncover the Secret Panda Village in new 'Kung Fu Panda 3' clip
- Taraji P. Henson's Biggest Moments in 2015
- Holiday Gift Guide: For the TV Fanatic
- 19 TV Families That Will Make You Thankful for Yours
- Literature's 8 Most Dysfunctional Thanksgiving Dinners
- 'Captain America: Civil War': Decoding the New Trailer
- EW's Entertainers of the Year pick their Entertainers of the Year