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Desperate Housewives

''Desperate Housewives'': Grown-up mean girls

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Eva Longoria
”Desperate Housewives”: Grown-up mean girls

Thank God for mean girls. And no, we’re not talking about Lindsay Lohan and the flawlessly manicured Plastics. No, the desperate housewives of Wisteria Lane could outscheme those poor Barbie dolls in their sleep. And after the extreme sappiness that marks each new episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, there’s no better antidote for a sugar high than four bitches on heels with revenge (and often sex) on their minds.

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''Desperate Housewives'': Suddenly, Susan succeeds

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Teri Hatcher
”Desperate Housewives”: Suddenly, Susan succeeds

Poor Susan. Nobody knows the trouble she’s seen. Except we do. All too well. She was dumped by her husband for some pretty young thing. She’s been locked out of her house in the nude. A neighbor tried to blackmail her. In this one episode, we saw her tumble headfirst onto a table and end up with cake on her face. Her romantic interest gave her the brush-off. Then after a cop lied to her — twice! — she was stranded in a sketchy neighborhood and mistaken for a hooker.

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''Desperate Housewives'': Walking the walk

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Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: Walking the walk

We witnessed a bunch of sudden shifts on Wisteria Lane tonight. Gaby found a way to do something productive while staying true to herself. Bree finally kicked Orson out after being told he’d cheated on Alma with Monique. And Carlos made a seamless (give or take a ”nobody really knew you all that well”) transition into the coveted role of Mike’s best friend.

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''Desperate Housewives'': Supermarket shootings

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Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: Supermarket shootings

Ding-dong! The witch is dead. Which old witch? The Nora witch!

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''Desperate Housewives'': Lynette gets her kicks

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Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: Lynette gets her kicks

Hmmm. I wonder if I can skip discussing this week’s relatively blah episode and do an entire TV Watch on the killer preview of next week’s installment, tentatively titled Aunt Jackie’s Supermarket Sweep: Criminal Intent. What was that? Who’s going to die? (Your regular TV Watcher, Lindsay Soll, will be back with those deets next week.)

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''Desperate Housewives'': Stepfatherly advice

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Kyle MacLachlan, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: Stepfatherly advice

I never thought I’d say this before, but I am actually enjoying the closer looks inside the Van De Hodge household these days. Especially because we’re now seeing that the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree: Danielle’s vindictive behavior after she was dumped by Mr. Cradle Robber was classic Bree, and the blackmailing skills she revealed earlier when Bree tried to get her to stop seeing her teacher were a lot like her brother’s during season 2.

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''Desperate Housewives'': Mike's lost years

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James Denton, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: Mike’s lost years

Three cheers to Marc Cherry! I think this was the best episode yet of the season; it had all the ingredients that made the Desperate Housewives cake so delicious in the first place: comedy, drama, trauma, mystery, scandalous affairs, and someone in the slammer.

And the icing on the cake: There was no Nora!

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''Desperate Housewives'': A little baggage-handling

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Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: A little baggage-handling

Things we learned tonight: The teens of Wisteria Lane can bring a lot of color to otherwise terribly drab episodes.

Things we learned but didn’t really care to know: Susan has slept with 11 men in her lifetime. Wait, make that 12, now that Ian has won her over.

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A very ''Desperate Housewives'' wedding

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Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
A very ”Desperate Housewives” wedding

The episode opens with Bree obsessing over all of the meticulous details of her wedding day. (Go figure.) But why the rush to get married? I mean it’s only been one episode since they got engaged. Helping to plan the perfect wedding so quickly does not give a whole lot of time for the other ladies to snoop around about Orson. I’m glad Susan decided to get off her ”key lime ass” and investigate.

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''Desperate Housewives'': The season 3 reboot

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Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives
”Desperate Housewives”: The season 3 reboot

Well, the folks at ABC promised that the show that lost most of our attention last season was going to have better story lines and more scenes bringing the women together this time around. Judging by the third season premiere, I would say they were right — sorta.

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