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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Pack Your Bags and Get Out!'

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Real Housewives Of New Jersey

Though tonight’s episode mainly dealt with the tumultuous end of the ladies’ Florida vacation, it would be a disservice to not at least acknowledge here the news that came out Thursday regarding Teresa and Joe’s sentencing.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Gators and Haters'

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Real Housewives Of New Jersey

In the wilds of Florida, alligators are known to be very protective of their territory and prefer prey they can swallow whole. In the wilds of New Jersey (a decidedly different type of swamp), husbands can behave in a similar way. But instead of a quick kill when dealing with the enemy, things are drawn out for weeks, months, sometimes even years. For gators, this is due to their slow metabolism. For Jersey men, this is due to their ego.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'The Day of Jacqueline'

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RHONJ RECAP

When one friend is dealing with national legal troubles and the other is still recovering from a potential health scare, it makes total sense to abandon those relationships for a little personal R&R in Florida, right? Well, that’s what Melissa, Dina, and the twins concluded as they began their vacation to Boca Raton without Teresa Giudice—even though the whole trip was planned to get her mind off her recent court hearings—and Amber, who decided last minute not to go when her doctor told her at her five-year cancer checkup that her blood work was inconclusive.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'There Will Be Bloodwork'

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RHONJ RECAP

Housewives have a talent for making simple situations way more dramatic than necessary. But they are just the players in the Bravo game. Nine episodes into the season, and the episode title creators have already given us “One Flew Over the Chicken’s Nest” and now “There Will Be Bloodwork,” both nods to Academy Award winning films. Which causes me to think… Amber is already doing her best Daniel Day-Lewis in the way she tries to convince everyone she is their friend, enemy, and victim all at the same time.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Guilt Trip'

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RHONJ RECAP

Teresa and Joe Giudice aren’t afraid to admit that they have made a lot of mistakes. Some may argue that the biggest one of all was joining the cast of this reality show. Although there is no direct link, it’s easy to make the connection between the Giudices sudden rise to fame and the legal trouble that followed them. Of course paparazzi would not be waiting outside the courthouse for an ordinary New Jersey housewife’s plea deal, but this is Teresa’s life now. And it’s actually pretty devastating to watch.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Roses Are Red, DNA Is Blue'

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RHONJ RECAP

Love—or something like it—is in the Jersey air. As Valentine’s Day rolls around, the wives and their families have varying opinions about the Hallmark holiday. Let’s take a look at the Jersey housewives’ love statuses.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'The Family Business'

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RHONJ RECAP

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you simply can’t choose your family. But you can choose your business partners. With restaurants, mortgage commercials, and garbage trucks, the Jersey housewives and their families seem to keep their work very close to home. Case in point: Joe Gorga chooses to work with wife Melissa—she may not know much about science (okay, may not know anything about science) but that doesn’t mean she can’t help pick the right color to paint her husband’s futuristic trash tank.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest'

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RHONJ RECAP

Just in case you missed the end of last week’s explosive first responders party that continued into tonight’s episode, let’s catch you up; everybody hates Jim and Amber. Good, now you’re caught up.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'A Hairy Situation'

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RHONJ RECAP

It’s always hard being the new kid in town, or in this case the new housewife on the show. Rather than trying to earn the ladies’ goodwill, Amber has decided to do everything she can to quickly earn a bad reputation for herself—but you know what they (they in the Danielle Staub school of thought) say, a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all. After only three weeks, she has already lied to multiple housewives. Already everyone has something to say about (or to) the Marchese family.

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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Trash-talking'

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RHONJ Recap

This week’s RHONJ tries to begin on a lighter note, with a taste-test party for Teresa’s new line of desserts, but the undercurrents of Teresa’s stress are always there. Milania Giudice might not know what anxiety means, but her mother sure has a lot of it. Add in the strained relationship of housewives Amber and Melissa, which they decide to hash out during the evening, and you have a perfect recipe for a Housewives party.

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