May 14, 2004 at 04:00 AM EDT

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 14, 2004

1 VAN HELSING Hugh Jackman chases down vampires in the late 1800s. Piece of cake. It’s not as if he has to go to high school at the same time, like Buffy.

2 AL GORE He’s launching his own 24-hour-a-day cable news network. Why not? President Bush has one. It’s called Fox News.

3 NEW YORK MINUTE The Olsen twins take a thrill-filled, pulse-pounding day trip to Manhattan. Or as locals call it, ”a cab ride.”

4 DONALD TRUMP The 57-year-old billionaire has announced his engagement to a 33-year-old Slovenian model. He’s just lucky that she thinks looks aren’t everything.

5 FRASIER FINALE The insanely supercilious shrink is calling it quits after 11 seasons. He plans to give up psychiatry and do something good for humankind instead.

6 VITO SPATAFORE In a surprising plot twist, one of Tony Sopranos’ capos turns out to be gay. He has whacked people for using the guest towels in the bathroom.

7 BMW Owners of the German cars have more sex than owners of any other automobile, says one survey. Because more of them are single.

8 MICHAEL JACKSON Investigators have seized a pair of his underwear from a collector in New Jersey. Celebrity underwear and New Jersey: perfect together!

9 MOTHER’S DAY You may want to rethink your parenting techniques if you hear ”Here’s five bucks, get yourself a nice card” more than once.

10 PHONE-FREE The latest trend in getaway travel for the wealthy is places where cell phones won’t work. But who wants to spend a week in the Holland Tunnel?

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