The CW
February 01, 2012 at 06:53 AM EST

Speaking of which, Siobhan sneaks into her old apartment while Andrew and Bridget are gone. Naturally, the first thing she does is acknowledge the GINORMOUS PHOTO of her. In my mind, she’s thinking, “Hello fabulous me.” Then, she hops aboard Andrew’s laptop and figures out his password is “Siobhan.” What a lovestruck dummy. But just as she’s transferring files Andrew comes in and then Bridget. Siobhan hides behind some drapes, but doesn’t anyone in this house have peripheral vision? I mean the apartment is not that big. This entire house needs to pay a visit to LensCrafters. Once Andrew leaves, Bridget decides to take a shower and we’re back to the beginning of the episode. Except this time, Siobhan stole the huge ring that Andrew gave Bridget.

So the big party finally came and it was as crazy as one would expect in that house. There were shoes, jewelry, sequin gowns all up for auction. Or just there to make the public school teachers feel really bad about themselves. Bridget had a moment out on the terrace with Greer. Thankfully, there were two pashminas just laying around. I guess that’s how the rich deal with the outdoors. Greer admitted that she saw Siobhan with Henry at the Hotel Pivoine, which is what the envelope in Charlie’s apartment had written on it. And the peonies were a floral bitch slap because apparently the hotel room was full of those flowers. Greer clearly holds grudges.

Juliet meanwhile started drinking at the party to deal with seeing Mr. Carpenter. Somehow no one noticed her downing drink after drink. I mean the Martin apartment is nice but it’s not like they’re in Lisa Van Der Pump’s mansion. Andrew caught Juliet and sent her to her room. But Dr. Bridget knew something was up. Next thing we know, Bridget is going full-on Buffy and clocks Mr. Carpenter and throws him out of the house. Carpenter is just lucky she lost that redonk ring or else he could have been really hurt. Juliet is naturally upset and regrets telling Bridget about the Mr. Carpenter thing. But Bridget just says she was trying to protect her.

Agent Machado was sadly not invited to the party and spent his day at a sad seafood restaurant in East Hampton. You can tell it’s East Hampton because they had checkered tablecloths. He interrogated a hilariously bitchy and annoyed waitress who said she once saw Charlie meet with Siobhan in the restaurant. “What kind of name is that?” I love that lady. Bring her back! Maybe she can become a temp at Andrew’s office, too! I’ll bet she knows how to operate a copy machine!

Andrew returned from the police station but weirdly wouldn’t tell Bridget any of the details. Bridget once again insisted she was just trying to be maternal and protective.

Finally, Siobhan went over to Henry’s apartment and confessed that she was still in love with him. But Henry was so confused. His bangs were even confused. Who is this woman who seems to keep changing personalities? And it looks like next week Siobhan gives him the lowdown on what’s happening. No word on the seafood waitress’ next episode. :)

Follow Tim on Twitter: @EWTimStack

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